Loopy Harry Returns
by LotteSCF
Summary: Harry Potter has always been… weird, to say the least. And after the death of his godfather, some say he entire went crazy. When he is 28, he is brewing a potion when it explodes in his face. He wakes to find he has been transported to his 5 year old body. Look out wizarding world, Loopy Harry strikes again.
1. Chapter 1

**Loopy Harry Returns**

**Chapter 1**

"Hmmm, a pinch of salt and a dash of pepper should do the trick," Harry murmured to himself. Now, anyone in hearing distance would think Harry is preparing a meal… they would be wrong. Harry, in fact, was busy making a potion. And not just any potion, but a potion he is making up on the spot. What could possibly go wrong there?

"I think I'll ad a bit of newt eyes before I finish." Yes, Harry was indeed talking to himself; he did that a lot.

You see, Harry was not entirely, well… sane. He had always been weird, ever since he was a little boy, though he could hide that weirdness well most of the time. But after Sirius Black died at the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts, some say he went entirely insane. They even gave him a nickname: Loopy Harry. If Harry was aware of this, he paid it no attention at all.

Harry threw in the newt eyes, curious to see what would happen to his concoction. The potion started to boil and hiss, and before he could react, it exploded in his face, throwing him backwards.

"Should've listened to 'Mione," were his last words before he passed out.

-X-X-

Harry woke with a groan, promptly hitting his head against a hard surface. "Ouch!"

Rubbing his head, he looked around to see what he'd hit. 'Strange, this looks like my cupboard."

Then, he noticed his hands; his considerably smaller hands. He then felt himself up and came to a realization. "I'm small and in my cupboard… I'm young again!" He exclaimed.

"Shut up, BOY!" Shouted a heavy male voice.

As Harry realized he was once again a child (with the unfortunate side effect of being stuck with the zoo animals, pardon, the Dursleys), he conjured up a massive grin and rubbed his hands together, "Excellent," he uttered, cackling silently.

-X-X-

After figuring out he was now 5 years old, he sneaked out of the Dursley's house (really, he just apparated from his cupboard, not that hard), Harry put a notice-me-not charm on himself and headed to Diagon Alley, or more precisely, Gringots.

"Yes?" A gremlin said as he approached, Harry grinned.

"Hello gremlin, I need to speak to a manager," He smiled a toothy smile. The gremlin for some reason seemed offended.

"What did you call me, puny human?" He growled (can gremlins even growl?).

"I called you a gremlin, Mr. Gremlin. Now, a manager, please?" Harry said, seemingly completely serious. Oh yes, he knew this was a goblin, but he just liked mixing things up. The gremlin glared at him and called for Griphook to take the 'insane human' to an account manager.

"Bye bye Mr. Gremlin," Harry offered his parting words; the gremlin seemed to resist the urge to do something that would get him killed, or worse, fired.

-X-X-

Harry left the bank 10.000 pounds richer (really, being a billionaire had its perks) and now bestowed with the title of Lord Potter, which meant he was now an emancipated minor. He cackled as he imagined how the Dursleys would react to the news that not only was he considered an adult now, but that he was also one of the richest men in Europe. Hmmm, maybe his uncle would finally explode, that'd be a fun sight.

He headed out into the muggle world and bought an entire new wardrobe as well as an entire box of chocolate (he was very fond of his chocolate).

He briefly toyed with the idea of visiting Ron and Hermione, but then figured he didn't need the hassle of telling them who he was. He'd much rather toy with their minds once they went to Hogwarts.

He doubled over with laughter as he thought of what would happen when he went back to Hogwarts 6 years from now. They'd better hope the castle would still be standing after he was through with them.

That's when he thought of the bleaker point of this time travel; Voldemort. "Crap, gotta deal with baldy face again." He shrugged, he didn't much care either way. Maybe he'd send a love letter to Voldemort, see if that'd make him explode.

-X-X-

Harry did not return to Privet drive, though he could only imagine the trouble it would give the wizarding world once they'd discover he was missing.

"Maybe I'll go break Sirius out of prison, I'm bored anyways," He contemplated for several seconds. And as he was bored anyway, he decided that that's exactly what he would do. Maybe he and Sirius could go on the run together then and become outlaws; he'd always wanted to be an outlaw, this would be his chance.

"Wonder what Sirius'll say…"

And so Harry left for Azkaban prison; his very first adventure as a renewed child. It should be fun.

_**A/N: So this is the start, I know it's short, but rest assured I'm already working on the second chapter. If you'd like something to happen, feel free to give me suggestions as to what Loopy Harry should do with all his free time now. And I hope you like it.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Hi everyone. First of all, I'd like to start by saying that I'm back, and second apologize for being gone for so long. I know I haven't written anything in a LONG time (that includes on my other two accounts - yes, I have three accounts, this one, one by the name of sweetcrimefighter, and another by the name of Lieselot). I figure I at least owe my readers an explanation, so here it is. Firstly, I am disabled and chronically ill. I have a rare connective tissue disease called Ehlers-Danlos (EDS), Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Debilitating migraines and several other issues. All these issues only get worse with time, and, for a while, they did put me in a bit of a depressed state, especially because of the pain and isolation these illnesses cause. So, I stopped doing a lot of things that I love, including writing. Second, I took a writing course a few years back, and it was horrible, the teacher had nothing but bad things to say about my writing, and honestly, after a few months of hearing how horrible I was at it, I really wanted to stop writing all together. And, for a long time, I did. Now though, I've re-discovered the joy writing always brings to me, and am not prepared to give it up again. I can only hope that you'll be able to forgive me for abandoning something that has been a passion of mine ever since I learned to write.**_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

It was surprisingly easier to break into Azkaban than he'd thought or liked; he'd expected a challenge and maybe even a heroic fight to the death, but no, all he had to do was change into an eagle (his animagus form) and fly in through a window (for some reason the dementors even fled as he approached). Sulking, he flew to Sirius cell, where he transformed and wandlessly blasted the cell door open.

"Wha?!" Sirius startled as his door was suddenly blown to pieces by a miniature James with sparkling, green eyes.

"I came to break you out. Stupid buggers couldn't even give me a damn challenge," Harry said, then promptly headed to an outer wall and blasted it apart (as Sirius could hardly be expected to slip out of a barred window, as he wasn't yet as malnourished and thin as when he broke out on his own the first time around). "You coming or not?" He called back as he noticed Sirius hadn't followed.

Shaking himself out of his stupor Sirius turned into Padfoot and jumped out into the water. Harry, thinking it might be cool, jumped as well, though he didn't transform, figuring it would be more fun as a human.

The water was just below freezing and it stung like a bitch to hit the water from such a height and speed. "Bah, that sucked. Ah well, at least it was more challenging than those cowardly dementors. I am so getting back at them for that!"

Padfoot, a.k.a. Sirius, looked at the child (who looked somewhere between three or five years old – Sirius couldn't make up his mind as the child was so small) incredulously; a rather weird look on the face of a dog, Harry thought. If he could have, Padfoot would have shrugged it all off. Whoever this kid was (he had a feeling it was his godson, though had to wonder how the child became so powerful, and not to mention completely bonkers), he had gotten him out of that boring hellhole, which was good enough in his book.

Padfoot thought they would have to swim all the way to the mainland, which he was not looking forward to as he was bloody exhausted. However, once they were out of distance of the wards surrounding Azkaban, the kid grabbed onto the Grimm and apparated them both away.

They re-appeared, soaking wet, at a weird looking house that looked like a chess piece. Padfoot, after making sure no one was watching, transformed back into Sirius and held the kid back before he could walk toward the chess house.

"Now hold on there, kid, if you are even a kid. Who the hell are you? How are you doing so much magic without a wand? Where are we? And shouldn't we be running like hell since I'm now a wanted fugitive? Albeit an innocent one." The questions were fired off one after the other, and Harry started cackling like mad, actually falling to the ground. Sirius thought he looked more insane than when he had casually broken him out of Hogwarts.

Eventually, Harry managed to sober up (barely) enough to talk to his dogfather. "Ah, I'm hurt, Paddy. I thought you'd recognize your own godson when you saw him." He grinned cheekily.

"Huh, so, you _are_ Harry then." Sirius deadpanned. "Now, how about we start running and you start explaining?" He tried to look stern and adult-like (really, a hard feat for someone like Sirius Black), but failed spectacularly.

"Nah, Luna and her dad will hide us, can't have Stubby Boardman going back to jail now, can we? Anyways, I'm a 'supposedly' insane adult from the future and was thrown back into my five year old body after I randomly chucked potions and cooking ingredients together for an experiment. And then I got bored, so decided to break you out. I still say the dementors deserve a pranking from hell for running away from me, lazy buggers."

Sirius stared, and stared, and stared. In turn, Harry stared back, intensely. For a second, the logical part of his brain (which was far and few between), wondered why he hadn't used magic to dry them yet, as they were still freezing and soaking wet. But, Harry decided he liked being wet (though he _could _do without the freezing part), so, he left them like that and went back to his staring contest with the dogfather, determined to win.

It didn't take long for Sirius to lose, as he suddenly fell down in a fit of giggles (honestly, he sounded like a schoolgirl). Harry hung his head and sighed; clearly, Azkaban had driven his poor dogfather mad in only four short years. Poor sod. Well, at least Harry was a sane and responsible individual (*cough* *cough*). Now, he couldn't wait to see Luna, wondering what the currently four year old would say; whatever it was, it was destined to be great!


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Thank you all very much for the reviews. I would like to say that I have no idea where I am going with this story, as of yet, and that I am much a newbie at writing humor, as I usually prefer drama, so I'm just trying to make each chapter as funny as possible for me. And I hope you enjoy.**_

**Chapter 3**

Harry turned away from his crazed dogfather and smiled as he saw a tiny (though, he grudgingly admitted, taller than him) figure come out of the Rookery and head towards him.

He turned back to his dogfather and gasped as, in his place, a big bad wolf had appeared ready to eat him and…. wait, no, wrong fairy tale. It seemed Sirius had grown scared at the sight of Luna and had turned back into Padfoot, trembling all over.

Harry waved his hand in front of his face, scrunching his nose up, "Damn, Padfoot, you _stink_! Also, you look seriously underfed, and this coming from an underfed person myself, that's saying a lot."

Sirius seemed to glare at Harry – though really, with a mangy, underfed dog, it was kind of hard to tell what his eyes were saying. Harry clicked his fingers as a moment of brilliance hit him, "I know! I'll have Luna give ol' Padfoot a bath in the yard, with bubbles and lots of foam, it'll be great! And after that, we can paint your fur pink and braid it."

It seemed that was the last straw for Sirius as he turned back into his human form and tried to strangle Harry, though, with the little amount of strength he had, it didn't do much beside tickling his neck. As Luna reached them, Harry grew tired with Sirius' strangling attempts (really, what would his mother say if she saw this?) and pushed his hands away, incidentally pushing Sirius to the ground as he did so. He fell down with a loud, over-exaggerated "OOF!"

Luna came to a halt before Harry and the fallen dogfather, seemingly studying them with much intensity. Honestly, Harry thought she was most likely daydreaming about pudding and hadn't noticed them yet – or she was a seer and was having a vision – or, she had a crush on them and was trying to decide who to jump first. Really, this being Luna, it could be anything or nothing.

"Heya, loopy Luna (I like that better than loony, btw), how about giving me and my escaped, convicted, framed murderer dogfather a place to stay until we either declare his innocence or finish taking over the country?"

Sirius, who had gotten up by this point, simply stared at Harry as if he were crazy. Harry sighed; obviously Azkaban had done more damage than he thought if Sirius only now figured out that his dogson was completely and irrevocably insane, and loved being so.

Luna, on the other hand, smiled brightly, "Taking over the country sounds nice. Though I would aim for the entire world, I would really love to rule Iceland," she said. Harry was confused; why, of all places, Iceland? Also, he was a bit disgruntled (again), because, instead of her voice being high and pitchy (as Harry's was and how he thought hers would be), her voice was soft and almost sounded like little, gentle bells. It just wasn't fair!

"Hmm, we'll have to think about that later. Now, how's about that hiding two outlaws in your backyard?" He asked.

"Why the backyard, why not a comfortable room and bed? I have been in a tiny, dirty cell for the past 4 years, you know!" Sirius whined, sounding exactly like how Harry imagined a whining dog would sound if it could speak.

"I happen to like backyards, now shush, bad dog!" This time, Sirius whined as a reflex to the 'bad dog' retort Harry had made, then pouted when he realized what he'd done. Harry ignored his insane dogfather (really, Harry himself might be insane, but at least he, unlike Sirius, was a _healthy _insane) and turned back to his loopy Luna.

"Oh, I'm sure daddy would love some company. He's in the backyard himself, currently, trying to plant Fro-Fro plants," She said, then started to walk toward the house, but Harry halted her.

"Hey, Luna, wait up. So, I know why I'm talking like I'm years older than I am, but how the freaking hell are you talking like an adult? Did you come back in time too?" He asked; he (and, unknowingly, Sirius as well) had been wondering about that since she came out of the house.

"Oh, no, Harry Potter, I have never returned in time in this lifetime. I'm simply very special, and apparently insane kids have incredibly high IQ's," she said.

"Hmm, explains Hermione," Harry mused and happily followed Luna to the house, Sirius trailing behind reluctantly.

Poor Sirius, at this point, was wondering if perhaps Azkaban hadn't been a safer option. He honestly feared for his health being stuck with these two insane kids. And, coming from a resident of Azkaban, that was saying much. Also, it made Sirius realize just how insane he must have become if he was actually wishing to still be in that hell hole he was freed from. No, this had to be better, it just had to. At least Luna seemed nice, if not totally insane. She and Harry would get along just fine.


End file.
